Phrase of the Week

PHRASE OF THE WEEK: DIE JOB DEATH CAR? (Daijobu desu ka - Are you OK?) (C) Sodom
Showing posts with label windows 98. Show all posts
Showing posts with label windows 98. Show all posts

Wednesday, September 22, 2010

[PC] Whiplash

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GAMES THAT SHOULD HAVE BEEN PORTED: Whiplash [Fatal Racing]
Genre: racing
PC/developer/publisher: Gremlin Interactive Ltd.
Year of release: 1995
Players: 2
Media: 1 CD-ROM
Additional peripherals supported: gamepad


Get Crashday. Remove all the career stuff and replace it with teamplay. Add a bit of atmosphere from old-skool NFSes, and you'll get Whiplash, maybe one of the best racing games ever made for old systems (DOS and Windows 95, to be exact). Why? Well, if it begged me to play it as much as my faves, Crash Team Racing and Gran Turismo, there is a reason for that. Why won't we discuss which ones, if you have a minute or two?


***


Okay, it may have kinda poor graphics, even if you keep all the GFX options on max, but. First, it was a DOS game, and if DOS would do the 3D render similar to Quake II or even III, all the numerous polygons will be untextured, plus, the game would go no more than 25 FPS, no matter which machine you try. Second, who said these graphics actually LOOK like they're bad? Try that Country Justice cocksucking trash and you'll see that the graphics are supahbad not only technologically, but estetically too. Okay, never mind. We're not here to discuss the polygon count, you know.
What's cool in Whiplash (therefore refered to as Fatal Racing, or simply FR) is the gameplay. It's not just about finding perfect curves 'on air', it's also about floating, bumping, bumping bad guys, riding on extreme curves... Well, to my knowledge, this is the first well-known racing game that used lotsa stunts, succeeded by Crashday and Trackmania series... And you thought that the coolest stunt racings were released today? Try FR, it will let you blush in that case, I swear.
Oh, and the feature I mentioned above. Teamplay, yeah. Any modern racing game I've seen (newest CTR clones don't count) always lets you to be a one car army. And that's it. In FR, you will have a choice: either you play alone (eight cars overall) or with a partner (same goes for each team, so it goes to sixteen rides). As a team, you will get a bigger chance to win the first places on the championships (or the last ones, if you both fuck up). Of course, what kind of team this would be without some helping stuff like communication... Time after time, you will get messages about your comrador's ride status ('No one's getting past', for example, or 'I'm going in for pits') to make sure that everything goes Ol' Raitt and decide what to do (accelerate, in most of the cases, or bump 'em all) in case if something goes Fairly Odd. If you want, you may even set a chase camera that shoots your teammate (and his position), in place of the timer or rear view mirror. Or, refer to the 'F*' keys to give orders to him.That helps VERY MUCH, I give you my testicles if I won't prove that.
As a dessert, I'll tell you that this is, perhaps, THE ONLY racing game on my memory that may be played COOPERATIVELY. So, if you have a friend that mastered all his Colin McRays and Carbons inside and outside, bring him to your home so he would play this game shoulder-by-shoulder with you. Now, this method gives more profit than playing it with a dead AI. You may decide whom to bump and when to stop for pits... But make sure that you and your friend are used to split-screen mode. Otherwise, you may use the cable connection between two comps, so good luck on trying to sync that stuff!
And, of course, what kind of a fatal racing game it would be without the damage system! Visually, they don't appear. Anyhow. If you won't count the smoke. But when you drive the car... That starts to feel ve-e-e-e-ery badly. Wanna always arrive first? Accelerate to max speed and never, I said, NEVER bump the walls. Yeah-yeah-yeah, bumping walls a lot may harm not only your baby, but it's ultrasonicness as well. In other words, the more you receive, the more your max speed suffers. Easy as hell, yet it's the factor one of your upcoming failure. That's not GTA4 where you get the stolen stuff all broken and still ride with the wind like nothing happened. So, you know, don't fail © Rise of the Triad. In case of what, you either pit or lose one of your three lives (the only time when you may hear the announcement shouting 'FATALITY!!!' Gawd, that's what should be used for M.U.G.E.N. announcers instead of classic Shao Kahn's voice). You lose the cup during the both operations, still.
There is a lot of difficulty levels, starting from 'Girlie' and ending with 'Impossible'... But they only slightly change the AI's behavior and pump the laps number up. That's it. What really makes the game harder (rather than marathonish) is one of three collision damage levels, plus one secret one that may be enabled by DR DEATH cheat (accept this as your name before you type your name in). While low one makes the game feel like yet another NFS clone, Death Mode is sooooo assy but sooooo beautiful that makes the action just goddamn hardcore. Also, that makes bumping the enemies easier too... And that makes you to cut out EVERY curve perfectly, therefore...
And it's sure wouldn't be a stunts racing game without really wild tracks filled with abnormal roads, spaghettis and the things that may make your car fle-e-e-e-e-e-ep! For a starter, there are a lot of turns (yet you may simply accelerate like nothing happened). Then there comes a section of more deadly angles of turning and bumpy roads. Then, lots of 'passages'. Then, ramps. And, to make your blood not just boil but rather burn, and burn as long as you play this game... 360° road sections which will make the world turn upside down... Or even aside. Controlling a car in such a hell needs practice, practice and practice yet again.
Nicey and responsible controls will sure help you in your quest for gold medals. To mention, you can select between a manual gear swap or an automatic (automatic is recommended, so you would use more attention on not going out of bounds).
Sound. Nine out of ten, if I would have a rating system. The sounds are all cool, yet the announcer may get a bit annoying after 30 minutes of playing. Every car and every track has its' own narrative description (digg 'em boyz). The music is just drivy and gorgeous. Even if that's not Flatout's earbreaking awesomeness, it's something close to this level. Just different genre, that's it. Awesome running demo music. Really classy and awesome (yet again) main menu theme. Another fitting and recognizeable theme for the first track, Grand Royale, that may be listened again and again, considring that this game is just full of marathones... The other themes keep the spirit up pretty much like above mentioned tracks did. Just one disclaimer... All I said about the awesomeness of FR's OST refers to the MIDI version of the soundtrack. The CDDA version, for some really weird reason, retains only the demo theme alive, while the others were merely replaced with some techno songs that turn into techno shit when blendered with FR's atmosphere. And yeah, you guessed it. No classy main menu melody. WTF, I MISS IT SO MUCH! Oh, and one more disclaimer. If you decided to use the MIDI tracks, use the old sequencer, because with the newer one, some instruments will get on desync. And, if you can, please post the entire MIDI soundtrack on YouTube, I would HIGHLY appreciate that, thank you.
Oh, I forgot another feature that makes FR look like most modern games... Replay video editor. Loved to mess up with this when I was a kid...


***


So, overall, if you think that ALL serious racing games are all about showing the road and the car's LARGE BUTT, play this and think again. It may not be really serious, maybe even fully arcade, but it really, really does its' job. It entertains. Eat my eyes if you are a racing game fan and you didn't liked burning rubber and burning the badguys on the right side from you.
Now, why do I think this game had to be ported on consoles and not remain a PC exclusive. Well, let's take PlayStation for example. Even if the actual game required 4 megs of RAM at least (or eight), the graphics would be no bother to deploy here becuase there's not so much textures used. Plus, not so much polygons. Dumb CDDA track could be either replaced with epic rearrangements of the real FR music converted to XA or become sampled PSM tracks (announcer's endless pile of quotes could use XA format, pretty much like CTR did), but I know that Gremlin would make that nightmare come true, so... Also, the replay editor would be gone, but... Well, if Gran Turismo allowed to record replays, then I'd put this one too. With the editor.
So, may anyone tell me, why FR wasn't ported to any of the consoles existing on that day? Gremlin had trouble with money, I guess?

BOTTOM LINE:
'Serious' arcade racing never was so fun. If you like marathones and explosions, this fun is sure for you... And, to pump the juice up, this game should be yours if you like to beat games WITH a friend! Nobody knows why there was no, well, remakes or ports of this. Even homebrew ones. Maybe because this gamie is an obscurity? Gark, too bad.

SCREENSHOT TIME!
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Whiplash has better title. Fatal Racing has better title screen.
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Wee, wee ween!
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Never mess with Ms. Platina Berlitz. Otherwise, brutality guaranteed.
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OH SHIT FELL DOWN.
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When drivers become pilots.
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Beware of pitstops. The AI tends to mash your ride even there.

Thursday, September 16, 2010

[NES] Educational Computer 2000

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Educational Computer 2000 [Kibord 003]

Genre:
well, educational computer!
PC/developer/publisher: ehrm... why did I put this? Whatever. Microsoft.
NES/developer: unknown, but judging by the copyrights, MOONSPIRV or sort of.
NES/publisher: unknown
Year of release: 2000
Players: no, rather users. One.
Media: 1 MB cartridge, NES compatible
Additional peripherals supported: Subor Keyboard and bundled mouse. Without them, you couldn't even use it fully.

Oh yah, for the first time, I'm going to review, well... Not really a game, but rather a bootleg clone of pre-2000 Windowses. Why? Well, because if you had these long ago, these will make you cry. Really. Cry out flaming tears of The Grand Nostalgie. And out of all the pirated 'educational systems', I selected this one. Not Win98, not newly-dumped Win2000. This. Why? Well, because it's not a stupid slideshow like Win98 and is more functional than both versions altogether.
So, in Famicom's manner, these 'educational systems' replace the real PC thing. But, while in case of Famicom these were trying to become standalone computers, most of the keyboard famiclones were sorta kinda simulators before you bought a shiny new PC with preinstalled game series named Gates' Nightmare (time for throwing rotten tomatoes guys! If you don't abuse at its' glitchiness at all, of course). Yet even today, in our age of worldwide crisises and crysises, I see those keyboards with a slot for a cartridge in shops. Who knows, maybe I could have even spend two times more money on buying this instead of my three-years-old Dendy 2. One thing I definitely know, however. Like Famicoms, these educational systems will soon become gaming consoles rather than computers...


***


OH and what I see! This cart wasn't fully made by guys from China! Or is it? In any case, I see some familiar Russian titles in here! So, here are the few things you'll see here: some pointless drawing/planning/karaoke programs, keyboard trainer, pretty decent Solitaire, some system options, including screensver setup and stats of your 'machine' (I swear, the screensaver feature is cool to see in here), Donkey Kong Jr. Math, an accurate MS-DOS mockup and 1MB SRAM... Yeah, 1MB SRAM used for fully functional Microsoft Word. You know, I would rather use this version than the regular Notepad/Word that bored me to death. And hell yeah, it saves everything properly, but there is one lil' problem... How the Dickens do I import the files from the cartridge SRAM to my comp?
What you badly need to play with all of these toys, however, is a Subor Keyboard (Famicom's one won't go) and a mouse (yes people, NES had a mouse, thanks to the guys whose idea it was to make educational shit). FCEUmm from CaH4e3 (for dummies: pronounced as 'Sanchez') supports both very well. One complaint for the mouse... It scrolls too slow. Like you were moving a cursor with a joypad. No complaints on keyboard, but the cursor speed fucking sucks. Fucking sucks so much that you have to move your mouse back about ten or twelve times to get the cursor from one side of the screen to another. Maybe this is one of the really few cases where trackball comes in handy? Oh, and on Solitaire, 'the contrary happens': moving the mouse becomes such a softness...
Another bad thing is the music on the title screen. It feels like Micro Genius's crap tunies, no kidding.
One more. The program collab is completely random.
But it's fun to see the 'inside' of this cart with PC-DOS.
It was fun to discover that the songs that my parents and grandparents loved were reconverted into 8-bit, even if the result sounds crappy.
It was fun to see the characteristics of my 'computer' in the options menu (so, if you're going to do NES style games, use this as a reference).
It was just awesome to discover maybe the most comfortable text editor on the NES, out of all, perhaps, three or four.
It's not a slideshow like Windows 98 parody. It works.
I wish I would have this thing bundled in case if I buy a keyboard famiclone.
So all in all... If you wanna mess up with it, mess it, for fun and profit. If you see no sense, don't bother. It will never replace the real Windows in any case. Here, I said everything I thought about this multicart. Really short, but that's all I have to say, honestly.
But we shall return to Windows stuff very soon. Ehrm, what do you think, maybe we should review some classic Windows games ported to NES, huh?

BOTTOM LINE:
Out of all edu-stuff I saw for this console, this one is the most neat. Every program included here works. Without the real famiclone, however, it becomes zero priority, but if you had Windows 98 as an OS long ago... Check this out.

SCREENSHOT TIME!

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System programs. Comes packed with Word and Excel.
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Such a sucky system. LAWL.
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And now, the screensaver!
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I dunno who made THIS program, but he never knew Russian THAT well.
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Select your deck pattern for Solitaire. Nobody would know that doing this would be harder than playing Solitaire itself.
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DOS prompt, as a dessert.